If you aren’t a friend of mine on Facebook then you wouldn’t see these pictures, so I thought I would post them
here. People who have known me for more than a year, know what my pre-pregnancy body looks like, so a few weeks ago they already would tell me I was looking thicker But for people who didn’t know what I look like I am now becoming more obvious Although getting bigger, faster, and in general is a daunting feeling…I am super excited to experience it one last time. I will say though that all of my sciatic pain, and cramping is in full swing which I didn’t get until I was at least 20 weeks with my son, and I am only 9 weeks and 3 days today…I think my body is making it clear that this indeed has to be my last. I always dreamed about being a surrogate for someone, or at least being able to offer it up, but I think my tiny 5’3, 107 body’s limit is three full term pregnancies and that’s it…I guess there is always egg donation.
I feel like such a failure as a “blogger”. I also feel like I state this in all of my blogs lately! With all of the things in my life right now I surprisingly have no inspiration to write about any of it. My pregnancy vlogs are so easy to do because all I have to do and am expected to do is tell people about how I’m feeling that week. Easy. Now with blogging, I feel like I need to be more…moving…insightful…funny…interesting…you know…more personal in general. I wanted this to be more than just a “this is how my pregnancy is going every day bull crap”. That is for YouTube, hehehehe, THIS I wanted to be more encompassing of my whole life for the next year. I feel like I failure.
**This picture has nothing to do with this post…it’s just my dinner**
NOTHING is going on with me, while SO MUCH is. I’m still pregnant, I feel fine, though if you watched my 9 week update you will see that I found out that I have a tilted uterus and it’s causing some discomfort in my midsection. My kids….well….they are perfect. I really have nothing to complain about and reading about difficult situations with my kids is more interesting than reading about what angels they are, so there lies another predicament. My husband has been amazing. He’s really proven that he holds my comfort in high regard. So all in all everything is great. Now see, you are probably thinking (if you haven’t already stopped reading this hot pile of crap that I call writing) “OMG get over yourself no one cares how great things are for you, there are starving children in Africa, people are dying, puppies are in the pound, etc.” and that’s exactly why I haven’t posted anything for awhile.
**This picture also has nothing to do with this post…he’s just super cute**
So until I have something actually interesting to say, or share my postings will be few….unless you guys want cute pictures of my kids and everyday as filler.
I hope everyone is doing well. I hope my TTC friends are hanging in there, and I hope my preggy friends are as well. With each path comes different struggles, I hope you’re all handling them well. Hugs.
I love my son. He is amazing (my daughter too). There is something about a child that is so pure. Today while out shopping a gruffer older man that I would probably try to avoid in most situations ( I try not to be judgmental, but I’m also not naive and stupid) was near us in Barnes and Noble. Wyatt, now walking like a pro, but not necessarily listening like one, immediately ripped his hand out of mine and ran up to him. I freaked. Not outwardly, but mentally. I quickly followed him. Wyatt stopped in front of the man, looked up to him, and said , ” I-O”, which means Hello in baby terms. The man immediately smiled, got down to his level and said hello back.
Now I don’t know if this man was a good man, a bad man, a murderer, a doctor on vacation who just got done doing yard work, or what, but I do know that he was decent enough to be polite to my son. After waving goodbye, and a nice “your kid is cute” comment from the man we left the store. Now although I don’t regret having some hesitations in my brain (any protective mother would) of my son running off to greet a stranger in public, I do envy my son. He is still young enough to not have to worry about what is good, or bad. He doesn’t know the evils of the world yet, and he doesn’t know or understand hate, violence, and judgment. I wish I could go back to being a kid. Sometimes I feel that I’ve become cynical and it’s sad.
Most people think that the newborn stage is the most difficult. Me? I disagree. Give me a new born any day, I love it. Even toddlers I can deal with well, but 7 year olds? I’ll say it once, and I’ll say it again. My daughter and I are too much alike. I don’t know if it was all the years spent just us two when I was a single mom, or if because she looks more like her dad that maybe her personality is more like mine? What ever it is I’m scared. I would blame all of our arguing on my pregnancy, but I think it stems from more than that. I’ve written posts about how we butt heads before, but it’s gotten to the point lately that I’ve started to just disconnect the second she stops listening to me, or starts talking back. I just can’t do it. I never want to say something that I’ll regret to a child, especially one of my own. You can’t take back some words, and you can’t fix some feelings that have been hurt. My girl knows how to get to me and all the right things to say to do it. Continue reading →